Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Nine Days Later

Nine days later and here I am sitting in my old room. Old but the same. Sure, the walls are bare except for two cards that I've tacked to the wall and a calendar on the other. I have pictures to hang and yet if I do that it makes it seem all the more permanent. I know that I'll be here for a while and yet I'm not sure how I feel about this or the entire situation. Its a combobulation of the finest sort.

Part of me wants to be happy about this that I'm here and I'm living with a roof over my head and food to eat. Happy that I have clothes to wear and place to sleep and yet there's the part of me that wants to break and cry and to scream and shout. To be angry at the world and yet why should I do that?

It wasn't the world that brought me to this point. It was myself. My own actions and my choices that brought me here to this place again. But why can't I feel angry about it? Why can't I scream and shout and cry? I should be allowed to do that shouldn't I? Would it do any good though? Would it accomplish anything in the grand scheme of things?

I'm not sure if any of it would be worth it. Emotions are fleeting after all. They come and go each passing day. The emotions that I feel I will work with them as they come. My only wish was that this wasn't so hard to go through but that is life after all isn't it?

I suppose if life were easy we wouldn't be taught the lessons that we have to learn. Experience is after all the hardest teacher.

2 comments:

  1. Go ahead. Be angry. Let that anger out. It's a normal human response to what you've been through. Once you're finished with that anger, set it aside and take charge of things. Do what you need to do to get to where you want to be. You can do it. I believe in you.

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  2. You are going through what is very similar to the grieving process which has at least 7 different emotions. Anger is but one. These emotions will come and go at their own will in ever decreasing episodes. Have faith.

    Old cliche but time will ease, then heal your pain.

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